Enough

One thing about God's Word that I love, is the mixture of humanity and divinity: Almost every time we learn something new, we bask in our new found wisdom for a season, but eventually the new wears off, and our humanity discards our wisdom for it's skewed perception of reality, only to leave us to re-learn the same lesson the next time we find ourselves looking for answers to why our plan didn't work.

For me, the lesson I continue to re-learn is one of the most basic, dominant themes of the bible: God will provide.  I used to think I knew what need was, and then I got married.  Before, I needed things for myself.  If I didn't come through, I just did without, which could be hard, but whatever.  I could get over it.  After I got married, I had a wife to support.  She is everything to me.  My whole entire world is wrapped up in her stability, security, happiness, wants and needs.  When I finally thought I knew what it meant to truly need, we began to adopt our beautiful baby girl.  No longer am I merely responsible for my own wants and needs, My family is counting on me for their life-support.  Not coming through is no longer an option.  

When we first got married, our annual income was well below the poverty line. I honestly can't believe we survived.  All of our bills every month well exceeded our income, and that didn't even include our groceries or gas. 

We sold everything of value, and came up with ways to make ends meet.

I will never forget one night of particular desperation.  It was a Saturday night, and we had to drive 45 minutes to church in the morning, where I was the Youth Pastor.  Our gas tank was empty, our bank account was 0.00 (if not less), and we had absolutely no resources that would fill our tank.  We had nothing.  I told Emily that I was going to go get gas for the morning, I am sure she must have thought I was crazy, and to be honest, I did to.  I knew that God would have to somehow fill our tank.  As I drove to the grocery store, I pulled over in the parking lot of the grocery store.  I prayed to God "Lord, please provide us the money to fill this tank with gas.  God, wouldn't it be an amazing testimony to your provision, if when I stepped out of this car, I found a $20, $50, or $100 bill on the ground! I could tell everyone how You provided so great for us!  Thank You God for the provision I am about to receive!"  And with the most faith I could conjure up, I stepped out of the car, and began to walk the parking lot. 

I searched for 10, 20, 30 minutes, and there was no great sum of money to be found.  However, after walking the parking lot for about an hour, I did find enough pennies, dimes and nickels to barely get us to church and back the next day.  

I learned a valuable lesson that night, that even though, it may not happen exactly how you want it to, God will provide.  Could God have dropped a Benjamin down right when I jumped out of the car, and made it easy on me?  Sure He could've!  But, He didn't, for a reason.  He showed me that I was not always going to get the easy way out.  Sometimes, it is going to be harder than I might like, and in those times, I should praise Him for giving me enough.
Despite most Televangelists, He may not give us leaps and bounds, but He will give us enough.  

Our lives are different in a lot of ways now, but one thing still remains, our dependance for God to provide our needs.  We need God to bring our Baby home.  We need God to guide our footsteps that structure the rest of our family's lives.  We need God every day to provide everything.

Thank you God for your provision.  You blow my mind.